Are guiding others or rescuing them?
I have been a long time rescuer. Since I was a child I surrounded myself with people in need and offered to help them. I had convinced myself that I was helping everyone. But the truth is I was helping no one and maybe even making it worse. Why? Because I was validating them as a victim. Holding space for their suffering.
Instead, what I should’ve done was hold space for their empowerment. Investigate with them, why they were where they are and help them see that they can get themselves out of it?
I’m glad to say I have begun to learn my lesson. Being an intuitive healer with helping guides helps. They remind me every day that no one is a victim. We are all divinely wise creating our experiences in order to learn.
So how can you tell if you’re empowering someone versus rescuing someone? Here are a few tips.
Check your motives. This is the first step to helping with anything or offering a healing to anyone. Why are you doing it? If for any reason you’re doing it to change them or to force an outcome, stop, step back and rethink it. If you have expectations of what things should be like, you are probably in rescue mode. Does it make you feel lovable to be a rescuer? Do you feel better about yourself when you are rescuer? Your motives may be more about your needs to be the rescuer.
Check how you’re viewing the person your helping. Do you think they’re a victim and that’s why they need you? Helping someone who you think is a “victim” will not help them. Work on viewing them as a divine being creating a divine experience. Then offer them help as another divine being witnessing from the outside what could happen differently.
Did they ask you for help? A lot of times we can’t stand someone else’s suffering. So someone may be just telling us a story. And we can’t stand it that they’re suffering. We have an urge to jump in and make it all better. That’s a sign that the rescuer is trying to come into play.
Are you sacrificing for them? Now I’m not saying giving to another person needs to be limited here. All I’m saying is that if the stakes are really high for you, you might want to check with whether or not this is a good thing for you to do in the first place.
Are you helping a pattern stay stuck? If you have witnessed this pattern over and over in a person. You’ve tried to help and it still seems like nothing is working. Then it may be time to let them find help elsewhere. There may be help around the corner for them from someone or something else. There may be a better solution that you are not unaware of if you would just stand back they could receive their lesson one way of another.
The truth is we’re all human. We all suffer. We all have success. And we all do this all by ourselves with the help of the people around us. We don’t need to rescue each other we are just perfect the way we are right now. It’s more about the co-creation.
Learning to give. Learning to receive. Learning to be helpful. Learning when to be inadequate so someone else’s gifts can shine. Learning to be wise. Learning to need wisdom from others. Learning what you believe. Learning to release judgment. Learning about suffering. Learning about Joy. Learning to see each other. Learning to see ourselves. Learning to love each other unconditionally.
So it is.