So often we spend our lives trying to fit in and conform to what people say they want from us. Most of the time, when we give people what they say they want, they still aren't happy. Why? Because what they really want is us, not some version of ourselves, modified to try and please them. We want genuine connections, ones that are freely given and offer us space to truly be ourselves as well.Read More
Filtering by Category: Authenticity
The law of attraction talks about the fact that what is in your life is what you have attracted into your life by magnetizing yourself to it. All other things are not in match with your vibration. But how do you get in alignment with that vibration is the big question of having more of what you want out of life. The question becomes "How?!"Read More
Emotions seem to be the easiest thing to share amongst friends; it's almost like a virus. One person feels happy and passes on to the next and the next and so on. That is ideal... but not always how it goes.
More often one person in line is angry and yelling at the cashier which puts you in a "what is wrong with people?" mood which leads you to go home and yell at your kids, which makes them mad at the each other and so on. Emotions are contagious and the sooner we learn to recognize the difference between our emotions and the people we are with, the easier time we will have in knowing ourselves.
Empathy as a survival skill
Empathy is defined by dictionary.comas "the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another." If you are experiencing the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another, how do you know you are acting in your own best interest and not the person you are empathizing with? If you are identifying with someone else's emotions and making decisions based on those emotions, they may not be right for you.
Empathy can be a survival skill. When we are born we can't talk yet and don't know much about the reality we have just arrived in. With this skill of empathy, we can read each others thoughts and emotions and make decisions on how we will engage with the environment.
"What am I really feeling?"
Things go off track when we don't know where our thoughts and feelings start and the other person's begin. We are always picking up on each other's energy in subtle ways. We feel each others state of mind and often change our behavior and feelings about the situation accordingly.
If you can begin to acknowledge when this sharing of energy is happening, you can begin to understand yourself more clearly and start setting new intentions. By paying attention to your ability to pick up on other people's thoughts and emotions, you begin to see when you are letting someone else's negativity win.
By becoming aware of how easily you change course based on what another person is doing or feeling you will be able to stop being a victim of others and empower yourself to dictate your mood and actions.
What mood are you bringing to the room?
It is also helpful to observe those around you, especially children, as they pick up on your moods. Watch for that moment from when they switch over to what they were feeling independently to what they are feeling when they notice you. Then ask yourself, is this how I want others to feel around me?
You have more power than you think. If you walk into a room defensive and uptight, that is how the room will respond. This isn't to control how everyone else is feeling, but just to set an intention within yourself of the influence you want to be in the world.
We have all heard the down and out stories of how people hit rock bottom and that was the catalyst for the rising up. We have heard those stories of triumph over the impossible negativity we see in the world. We are overcoming little "rock bottoms" all of the time. It is our success over our struggles that gives us the trust in ourselves to take risks and carry on. It is the success in our moments of weakness, that remind us of our strength.Read More
Often we are a cluster of pain programs and suffering. Natalie Merchant's "Break Your Heart" lyrics "don't spread the discontent, don't spread the lies" is excellent advice to move past that stage into one of contentment.
You have heard it a thousand times from me and other self-help guidance counselors to "think positive" or "love yourself first." Of course you know that is what you are supposed to do. So why aren't you doing it?
The Shame of Thinking Positively
Thinking positive isn't always well received by our peers and authority figures. Often when we come to our bosses with good news, they shame us into noticing what is broken and needs to be fixed. We get obsessed at looking at what isn't working as a way to try and encourage it to work.
Our peers perceive our positive thinking as naive or thoughtless. They see us taking our eyes away from what needs to be done to focus on the flakey behavior of "free thinkers" and rebels.
See if you can find your positive-thinking shamers and as kindly as you can, ask them to help you shift. Make them your biggest advocates for positive thinking. If they aren't up to the job, or you don't feel like you can ask them, work on releasing their opinion from the top of the meaningful pile. Try and reduce how seriously you take their opinion and know they are projecting their own limitations onto you.
Suffering to Deserve
Another thing we often do is "suffer enough to deserve." Sick enough to deserve help. Worked hard enough to deserve a break. Struggled enough to deserve something better.
Catch yourself "suffering to deserve." Shift it up and allow yourself permission to deserve from a different place. Deserve help because we all desire connection and to help each other. Deserve a break because you are always doing your best. Deserve something better because you have learned from your mistakes and are ready to learn from your successes too.
Expectations and Assumptions
You cannot pretend you don't feel bad, that is suppression of your energy. But what I am suggesting is to check in when you are stuck in automatic pilot with feeling bad. You can feel bad and then give yourself permission to feel good.
Even when you look around and don't see any good yet. This isn't a fake it activity. This is just about realizing that in what you expect to see is what you will see. If I suggest to you to notice all the blue cars on the road today, you will. Your mind enhances what you focus on. If you expect to see kindness and love from people, you will. Change up your expectations to find negative experiences lurking around every corner. Change up your assumptions about people and how you will be treated and see what happens next. This doesn't mean there won't be people who will hurt you or be rude, but your mind will hold onto the positive experiences more easily.
Here is more on how beliefs are driving your experiences from my Coaching Club videos.
So how do you know if your ego is asking for more or your spirit? Your spirit comes from a place of plenty. A place inside you that knows there are no limits but your own mind. The ego mind often speaks from a place of fear, obligation or lack as we discussed above. Once you release your gratitude energy from your obligations and fears, you can clarify what you want.Read More
Let's get real, no one goes through life without the sting of betrayal. It is part of the journey we are on. As you become more aware of the concept that you create your own reality, you must also take responsibility for everything you experience as something you have created.Read More
If you are a follower of metaphysical matters, you will often hear about the ego. Most of the time the ego is considered something to let go of, not something through which to live your life.
I think that's impossible for most of us. It isn't the point for us yet. I read a book called "The Rascal's Guide to Enlightenment" by Mat-Zo the unleavened one. You can tell by the title and author's name that it's a funny one. In his book he includes an "I Love my Ego Rebuild Kit." To paraphrase, it says something along the lines of "if you have ruined your ego through too much enlightenment work, use this rebuilding kit to fix it up." It's a pretty funny book. I recommend it to everyone.
Everything is about balance. As I watch children grow, I see their egos forming. It's part of development. Without it, they would miss an important part of their life lessons, like learning how to be compared to others and still feel good about themselves from the inside. Finding out that we are all different and coming to terms with what that means.
However, as we mature and understand ourselves more deeply, we can soften our ego's role into a more helpful tool. We don't want to run the world with our egos out of whack because then we forget that we aren't the center of the universe and right about everything. But without enough ego, we may lose ourselves in that idea that everything is an illusion except spirit, which may also not be the best approach to living your life.
I don't think it's about blowing the ego away. But it is about using our consciousness to bring everything into balance through understanding our relationship with ego and spirit. With intention, the ego can work with the spirit to enhance your sense of authenticity. Below is a video from Teal Swan on her thoughts about ego vs. intuition. Watch more about authenticity here.
The ego helps us discern between "us" and "them." It works with you to find joy in the separate existence that we are all living.
The spirit uses the mind to understand itself more deeply. Knowing how to witness the ego self gives depth and expansion to the spirit.
The ego helps set boundaries about how you want to be treated, emotionally and physically. What feels good to you is not the same for everyone. It helps formulate experiences that are specifically enjoyed by the separate self.
The spirit helps setup how you experience yourself in the world. It frames your perceptions, what you expect and how your respond to your physical world. The physical body provides a vessel of knowing the spirit through experience and expression.
The ego’s connection to the concept of spirit has rules of morality, organization and formulations about to understand the difference between right and wrong. It helps feeling supported in the separate self as "good."
The spirit has expansiveness and the understanding that it's bigger than just the immediate moment. It is bigger than the experience of right now, but holds in it the whole truth of self that allows the ego to create yet more experiences.
I offer you a visualization to release the story of the mind, which helps the ego to soften and allows the balance of ego and spirit to take place. Click here to access the mp3 file on Google Drive.
As I watch the ways of the world and the underlying motives of the humans around me, I notice that most of our bad decisions come from a lack of self worth. It keeps us hiding in ourselves and shaming and shunning ourselves into further disconnect from those around us.
We can look at the big stuff such as having affairs, lying, making others feel bad, etc. but there are so many little things too. The thing that continues to surprise me is that we often make decisions to do things because we are insecure about aspects of ourselves that no one else even cares about. People around you might even laugh if they knew your "secret" dark side.
How can you manifest what you are worth if you don't know what you are worth and you aren't facing what is blocking you from that knowledge. Self worth is a great place to start in figuring out how you are blocked to manifesting what you want.
The key here is, if we could just face that we feel bad about ourselves and are insecure, rather than constantly running from that feeling through ego boosting activities, we would probably stop creating reasons to feel bad about ourselves. It is the belief that we are no good that perpetuates those actions to lead us to make that judgment to begin with. The chicken and the egg is no debate on this one. We don't make bad decisions because we are bad people; we make bad decisions because we are too afraid to face our fears that we are bad people.
Lets take the playground as an example. A young boy who feels good about himself invites children to play with him. Allowing the other people to also feel successful in their pursuits and encourages the joy of success in others. The boy who is worried about his own worth will often compete or show off talents they think would make others feel inferior too. We have trained ourselves to think the later is “normal.” As normal as it may seem, it is an energetic indicator that this person doesn’t know their worth.
Another example is the corporate ladder. Leaders who feel secure in themselves climb easily and bring others with them. Leaders who feel more nervous or like imposters in their positions often ride on others coat tails and make sure those around them know they are superior. Again, just because the later is more common, doesn’t mean it is the optimized way to be.
If we boost our trust in ourselves, love for ourselves and believe that we are inherently good; we start to make decisions from a more authentic place. Not that controlling, manipulative place that tries to make us look good, but the place that is naturally already good. If we trust it to be there and stop wondering if it is there, we stop second-guessing, stop making choices out of how we appear. We start to do things that boost our self worth, thus perpetuating the cycle of building self worth rather than breaking it down.
There are tons of tools out there these days. Here are a few that I suggest to enhance your self love space.
- Affirmations - Louise Hay has a good daily quote.
- Gratitude of self journal - "I am grateful for myself because..."
- Self love activities - i.e. nurturing body work, baths, self care that means something to you about loving yourself
- Surround yourself with good positive energy that affirms you deserve a positive life.
There are tons of resources out there. Google it and see what resonates with you. Then make it a habit to love yourself more.
If you are an angel person, here is a video from Doreen Virtue.
Stop trying to pretend you think highly of yourself and actually do think highly of yourself. Don't worry about what other people think of you, rather concern yourself with what you think of you. If you aren't thinking highly of yourself, your best bet to having a better life starts there.
How? The first step is to start correcting your own inner dialogue. Catch yourself when you make disparaging comments about yourself (which you probably say out loud too) and correct it to a statement that affirms what you want to be. For example, change "I can't believe I did that, I am so spacey!" to "Wow, I just did that to remind myself to pay more attention. I will gladly take that challenge." By taking on the challenge, you are offering yourself growth and depth in understanding of yourself.
Facebook me if you want me to break this topic down more. It is truly a great place to start the healing process. (or of course comment here)
Dictionary.com provides seven different definitions of perspective. Wikipedia breaks it out into groups, i.e. graphical, visual, cognitive. All of which are relevant to the topic of understanding your place in the world. The one I am going to focus on today is "one's "point of view", the choice of a context for opinions, beliefs and experiences".
In relationships with other people we spend a lot of time trying to see each other's points of view, convincing others to see our side of things, trying to understand where they are coming from, etc. But this is my message for you... no matter how hard you try and see another person's point of view, you are still seeing their point of view from your point of view and vice versa. It is impossible for you to truly see their point of view.
All of their life experiences make them unique to how they perceive things. Scientist have proven this even with identical twins who have lived very similar lives. Their perspectives are still radically different.
When I do couples sessions, I decode the two perspectives for the other to where they have "aha!" moments about their communication space. They can see how their causing misunderstandings by assuming the person is hearing them the way they hear themselves. They begin to understand that the misunderstandings are not personal to their spouse not wanting to hear them but rather that they have their own filters that they listen with. It seems to relieve stress in the relationship and help them to accept each other more.
This is important to remind yourself of because when you are trying to understand or be understood, there is no right or wrong answer. There is no definitive "this is the way things are". We often spend a lot of energy trying to get to "right" vs. "wrong" but because of perspective this is different for everyone. For example, just because you feel better not eating meat does not mean that is the right choice for everyone or doing Yoga makes you feel fit, but others like to run.
The best part is, this is OKAY! It is wonderful for each and every one of us to see the world differently. It helps us realize endless possibilities of our human form. Our evolutionary possibilities are endless because we all see things differently.
Are you spending energy and time trying to understand some one's point of view or have them understand yours? Step back for a minute from this process. See it for what it is and the possibilities that this is creating.
Maybe your significant other wants to spend some money going on vacation and you want to invest it on your house. What are the different points of views bringing to light for both of you. Can you take that wisdom with you as you search for a compromise? Why is the universe presenting you with this difference of opinion? What is it trying to get you to see differently?
Embrace who you are and how you think. This is your gift to the world. Share it with an open mind and open heart and encourage others to do the same.
I was listening to Pandora today and a song by Ingrid Michaelson, came up. The basic lyrics are “I just want to be okay”. It got me thinking about why people seek out my services. The is the fundamental reason. They want to know they are going to be okay. So I began to contemplate this message further. Digging into myself and by ability to “be okay”. I realized many live in a state of constant doubt. They are wondering if they are making the right decisions, in the right relationships, saying the right things, etc.
What if every decision we make, is the right one? Every relationship, divinely intended for our awareness and awakening. This is the truth! If you can embrace your “okayness” you can embrace the fact that everything that comes to you, has reason. It has an intention, set by you on a deeper layer than you may know, to experience.
Experience! That is all that we are here for. We are trying out ways of being, testing limits, learning new things and being more of what we were yesterday. We are using experience to expand ourselves. The more we do it, the more we learn how to harness it. The more we consciously create, the more empowered we feel.
So try it. Rather than stress over “am I okay?” stress over nothing and be in the experience for what it is. The real question then becomes, “how can I embrace the fact that I am okay?”
Bring it on!
I have been a long time rescuer. Since I was a child I surrounded myself with people in need and offered to help them. I had convinced myself that I was helping everyone. But the truth is I was helping no one and maybe even making it worse. Why? Because I was validating them as a victim. Holding space for their suffering.
Instead, what I should’ve done was hold space for their empowerment. Investigate with them, why they were where they are and help them see that they can get themselves out of it?
I’m glad to say I have begun to learn my lesson. Being an intuitive healer with helping guides helps. They remind me every day that no one is a victim. We are all divinely wise creating our experiences in order to learn.
So how can you tell if you’re empowering someone versus rescuing someone? Here are a few tips.
Check your motives. This is the first step to helping with anything or offering a healing to anyone. Why are you doing it? If for any reason you’re doing it to change them or to force an outcome, stop, step back and rethink it. If you have expectations of what things should be like, you are probably in rescue mode. Does it make you feel lovable to be a rescuer? Do you feel better about yourself when you are rescuer? Your motives may be more about your needs to be the rescuer.
Check how you’re viewing the person your helping. Do you think they’re a victim and that’s why they need you? Helping someone who you think is a “victim” will not help them. Work on viewing them as a divine being creating a divine experience. Then offer them help as another divine being witnessing from the outside what could happen differently.
Did they ask you for help? A lot of times we can’t stand someone else’s suffering. So someone may be just telling us a story. And we can’t stand it that they’re suffering. We have an urge to jump in and make it all better. That’s a sign that the rescuer is trying to come into play.
Are you sacrificing for them? Now I’m not saying giving to another person needs to be limited here. All I’m saying is that if the stakes are really high for you, you might want to check with whether or not this is a good thing for you to do in the first place.
Are you helping a pattern stay stuck? If you have witnessed this pattern over and over in a person. You’ve tried to help and it still seems like nothing is working. Then it may be time to let them find help elsewhere. There may be help around the corner for them from someone or something else. There may be a better solution that you are not unaware of if you would just stand back they could receive their lesson one way of another.
The truth is we’re all human. We all suffer. We all have success. And we all do this all by ourselves with the help of the people around us. We don’t need to rescue each other we are just perfect the way we are right now. It’s more about the co-creation.
Learning to give. Learning to receive. Learning to be helpful. Learning when to be inadequate so someone else’s gifts can shine. Learning to be wise. Learning to need wisdom from others. Learning what you believe. Learning to release judgment. Learning about suffering. Learning about Joy. Learning to see each other. Learning to see ourselves. Learning to love each other unconditionally.
So it is.
I had my first child at the age of 23, in what I had perceived as, the best laid out plan. I had been married for two year (my criteria), my husband was just about to turn 30 (his criteria), I was finishing my master's degree (7 months pregnant), I had a job, a house and the knowledge of every book on the shelves on how to have a baby. What could go wrong? I followed all the rules. It will be perfect. Let me tell you have quickly my little man (now turning 11) taught me how wrong I was! His birth was nothing I had ever planned and left me feeling slighted and cheated out of the beautiful birth experience I thought I deserved. He went further to teach my lesson on how much control I was trying to have by not being responsive to love and logic, Montessori, or perfectly laid out bedtime routines. This kid wouldn't give me a break!
Oh what a gift he truly is in my life. He slowly, in his perfect way, allowed me to release myself from the slavery of doing things "right". As I started to allow myself to stop fighting his divine wisdom and start taking it in, I started to see the gifts of the universe all around me. Not just in him, but in every struggle, challenge and moment of authentic success. Thank you my first son, for all you have given me and continue to give me.
I can't say I am no longer learning. I will be learning until I no longer exist in this reality. That is beautiful and I invite it in with ease and grace. However, may people fight this concept. They resent their experiences and they fight their relationships. They get angry and the very suggestion that they have a choice and have invited in their experiences to grow. It is always a choice, but that choice is always yours.
Check in with yourself. Are you choosing to accept your challenges with ease and grace or struggle and gloom? You are in charge of your life and when you stop resisting long enough to see what gifts are being offered to you, you are allowing the possibilities of the universe unfold right before your eyes. Opportunities to grow and learn is your birth right and will be given to you in every moment in every day. The choice it to see it or ignore it.
I have been so busy that I haven't had time to blog about my news! I have published a book! Insightful Inspirations, conversation starters with your authentic self. http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000531426/Insightful-Inspirations.aspx This book is a compilation of blogs, work with others and just general wisdom I have recieved. It is designed to be held in your hand, holding a question in your mind and then open it up to some perspective. I hope to have a card deck that goes with it one day. The artist who did my cover, Stephanie Ingraham with Siyo, will be doing that artwork.
I have to admit that I was pretty nervous to put this book out. Even though I have had it written for over two years, there is just so much exposure with putting this out. I have already found one typo, despite having several proofs and am not sure I like how it printed with the questions on the back of the page. But the gift of this experience is that it is a perfect healing opportunity for my perfection issues! It doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful. That is the amazing gift I will find here, how to just trust and accept my imperfections.
On the flip side, I am even more worried it will do well! :) Fear of success I guess. But part of me worries that I won't have time and won't appreciate the exposure. Again, another amazing opportunity to face my fears and heal. I am catching myself saying "It is just a little book" or "Yeah, no big deal". Wow, who knew I would have such a hard time embracing my accomplishment! I am releasing this issue as well and look forward to whatever this brings.
I have been using the book on my own since I received it and I have to say, I love having it in a format I can hold in my hand. It is so much fun to use! (If I do say so myself.) So I hope you all will take a moment to check it out and find as much value out of it as I do.
What have you delayed putting out into the world because you are afraid of having it fail? Or maybe you are afraid of it suceeding! What is the worst that can happen? What is the best that can happen? Is it worth the risk?
If you have already faced something like this, share with us. We can all learn from you.
What keeps us going? What makes us press on even when we can't possibly find the will to do so? k.d. lang's song Constant Cravings comes to mind. It is about that march onward. Most of us are driven to ask the questions about why and how at least once. This is what I call the pull to the truth. What is the truth? Well there is a whole wikipedia page that will tell you there is never a simple answer to anything. (yet there is) Dictionary.com has five meanings for truth. What a complicated answer I seek. Yet it isn't.
To me we all have a pull to our own truth. A need to identify for ourselves what IS and IS NOT. As children we start off looking at other for the truth, but quickly we begin to notice that there is a difference between our truth and those around us. It may cause us to rebel, act out or conform to a way that isn't our true nature. Where do we find our true nature? How do we know it when we find it?
But the pull to the truth exist in each and every one of us. The desire to see our lives, purpose and existence for what it really is. However, the answer is only inside ourselves because the measure of truth for each of us is different and the only way to see that measure is to look at ourselves.
"Actual existence" is one of the definitions on dictionary.com. What is actual existence? Actual is defined as existing now, existence is the continuance in being. So being now. Ahh, so we come full circle back to the new age movement of being in the NOW! Being in the now = the truth. Interesting. So why are we seeking the truth outside the now? The truth is now, here with us at all times. So it turns out the pull to the truth is a pull to the present moment.
Which brings me to my always consistent message of presence. :)
Be present and you will find the truth you seek.
I have always known, because of my perspective, that people don't see me, they see me through their filter. Probably the same goes for me and everyone. But this is important to remember! Because as you are projecting on to someone else who they are, remember you have no idea! You are seeing who they are from who you are. To add to this conversation, your subconsious mind does not like to be wrong. So if you believe a person is xyz because of your filters, you will create a reality of people who mirror what you believe. Your mind can't handle it to be any other way. The problem with this is, that we believe what we see is all that there is and anywhere we turn, it is proven to be true! Mainly because our subconsious mind has made sure that we are surrounded with people that validate whatit believes.
When someone comes into your space that doesn't validate your beliefs, you do one of two things. You either a) kick them out immediately from your life or b) you project on to them what you think is "really going on" inside them.
Eitherway, they are still validating your reality too. Now, what if, a person comes into your reality and refuses to play the game. Refuses to let you reject them or project onto them? What then?
I experimented (some what accidently) with this concept recently. Boy it amps up before it calms down. The subconsious fights, struggles and projects like crazy. It creates a victim out of the person it is controlling and makes the invalidator WRONG and MEAN! Now refusing to be WRONG and MEAN, I endured a bit to get to the otherside.... but I think I did get there. I think what happened was I won over the subconsious! I created a new path way in people that said reality can be different! Wahoo! Granted, I think. We will see...
What reality are you refusing to believe in. Maybe it is a good one, that would be good for you to believe in, but you just can't find someone to stand up to your subconsious. Here is an idea, maybe you can stand up to your subconscious. If you want to change a belief system... then do! Change it and see what happens. Fight the need to validate your old way and find ways to validate your new way. That is the meaning of Ghandi's quote, "Be the change you want to see." It means you have to just live it and fight through all the realities you have built to back up your old way of thinking and break through to the new way! Once you do this once, you will realize your own power to mainifest your reality. Give it a shot.
Judgement is such a sticky thing. Fear of judgement makes us second guess ourselves, make bad choices and pretend to be something we aren't. Love of judgement make us scrutinize the people we love and the friends we love to hate. Addiction to judgement make us judge people we only sort of know thinking we know them because we "know the type". My guess is, most of you are doing all three. The truth is judgement is the thing that keeps us separated, not connected. It keeps you down, not up. It holds you back, it doesn't push you ahead.
Some inside scoop on me...
I have a VERY twice exceptional child. Anyone who knows me, knows my struggles (because it is kind of consuming). But it very interesting to me how even when you see my authentic, heartfelt struggles, people still judge. It is probably the hardest place in the world to be judged; my mothering, my child, my perfect love. My kid is not obviously impaired in anyway. In fact, he comes across as being just defiant and self absorbed, albeit extremely intelligent. Even his own grandfather struggles to know how to "accept" him for what he is.
You are probably curious by now what is "wrong" with my child. The truth is NOTHING. Okay that is the spiritual Mom answer. The diagnosis is complex and anyone who evaluates him, says he doesn't fit even the molds of the diagnosis he has. ADHD, Sensory Integration Disorder, Coordination Disorder... who knows really. The fact is, my kids is lovable, extremely capable, intelligent, and AMAZING. When I read his soul, it is wise and uncaring about the things us younger souls want to struggle with. When I see him in the world, he pokes at the very core of the illusion, forcing people to second guess their automatic pilot mode and wake up. His questioning is authentic, not defiant, and quite frankly good for us to hear. We once were grilling him on his grades and he sat smiling. My husband said "You don't get it!" He said, "Yes I do, I have bad grades and I need to focus more on that. But it doesn't have to affect my present happiness." Wow! I want to think like that more often.
My point of my motherly vent is, that we are all so quick to judge. So quick to deny someone acceptance. We forget how that feels when it is done to us. Especially on the topics that we try so hard to do "right".
Let me give you one metaphor that you have heard before from me. If you love a child for it's mistakes, nurture them through it struggles, have compasion for their bad choices, it will grow up to be a loving, nurturing, forgiving person. Because you taught it how. If you scold them, accuse them, shame them and judge them, it will grow up to be a scolding, accusing, shaming and judging person. Who would you like to foster in your world?
Take this week to think about how much judgement is running your life. See if you happy with letting it run your life. "Good judgement" is important for yourself, but when it extends into situations you are not familiar with, it is not helpful to you or the other person for you to pass judgement on it. Work on bringing awareness to who you are categorizing, rejecting and downright making feel miserable with your negative energy about them. Pull it back. Own up to what you are sending out and stop it! Love yourself, love each other and do you best to love the world we live in. It isn't perfect, but things don't get better when you judge it, they get better when you nurture it.
We are finding it hard to trust anything any more. What once seemed certain is no longer and what someone tells us is going on can't be trusted. Gone are the days of being able to trust blindly. You can't look to others for the truth. Is all lost? Are we victims of a society that is gone wrong? Or maybe we are shifting to an age where we no longer look outside of ourselves to find the truth. We are shifting to the only thing we can trust is ourselves. However we don't even trust that! When we are making this shift to having to trust ourselves first we get resentful, angry and blame each other for this shift. We fight it and blame others "damn you, now I have to listen closer to myself next time!"
However, what if you could trust everything outside yourself because you could trust yourself, with 100% certainty, that you are always aligning with your highest good? What if you could see the wisdom of your ways without fear of mistakes, being taken advantage of, or going down a path you never intended? You can!
When you are in alignment with yourself, listening to your internal wisdom, seeing the beauty of your life from the connected eyes of trusting yourself, you see a world that free. You open up to your experiences because you aren't afraid of them. You experience things to the highest possible level because you trust your judgement of when to stop without second guessing. You engage fully in relationships without fear of misunderstanding another's intentions and getting hurt.
How do I trust myself on this level, you ask? Well, it starts with being willing to try to stop thinking of the concept of self trust is bad! It is the only thing you have, but when you have it, everything else can be trusted too. You have been doing it backwards. Start taking time to tune in and pay attention to your gut.
Start making a habit to listening to your gut. Start working on the issues that keep you from that trust in yourself. If you aren't trustworthy, why not? If you can't trust you, how can you expect anyone else to and how can you trust anyone else? I am not saying the voices in your head are all correct. But if you start to listen, you can start to tell the difference between what is good guidance and was isn't. This is one of the biggest questions you can ask yourself, can I be trusted? If you can't, time to find out why. Make a change so you can freely live your life without blame of others and without fear of yourself?
Okay, leave it to a clairvoyant with marketing background to compare relationships to Venn Diagrams, you may not event know what it is... but the picture to the left is a Venn Diagram. It is used to demonstrate where common elements come together in an otherwise separate concept. The dark part of the circle represents both concepts coming together in a common way. The way I relate this to relationships is that everyone connects to people in their lives in a common way (dark part of circles) it could be common interests, love, situations, etc. The circle represents you and the other person's energy, hopefully continuously flowing and bringing in new energy to the common relationship. Where we get into trouble is when these circles over lap too much and we become enmeshed or tangled up in each other's energy and we loose site of where we begin and other person stops. We loose ourselves in the relationship. We loose the ability to make decisions for ourselves (always taking into account the other person's desires first) and we forget what makes us independently happy and US.
Ultimately when we get too enmeshed, with each other, the energy gets stuck and things start to bounce off each other. We get resentful that things feel this way and because we are so enmeshed we blame the other person for the stickiness.
If we take time to untangle ourselves a bit and reestablish who we are in the connection, we bring fresh insight, passion and overall appreciation fot the connection. We find ourselves in the mix and take responsibility for the things we can control. This gives us the ability to find authentic power.
Relationships that overlap too little often just end. Which may be the appropriate things to happen if there is no common ground.
Insightful Inspiration of the week
Take a look at your most important relationships. This could be a significant other, a boss, a best friend and even your children. Are you allowing yourself and the other person to have their own space? Are you tapping into the fresh flow of energy by finding passions that exist beyond that relationship? See if there are any adjustments you want to make. See if you can find what your common connections are and seek out bringing fresh energy from yourself through self exploration, back to the relationship.
As always feel free to comment or ask questions. I am always interested.
"The secret of making something work in your lives is first of all, the deep desire to make it work; then the faith and belief that it can work: then to hold that clear definite vision in your consiciousness and see it working out step by step, without one thought of doubt or disbelief." Eileen Caddy, Footprints on the path. I might add to this quote that you don't make it work because you know how it is going to work out or even THAT it is going to work out. You just trust it. It is the knowing inside of you, not the knowing outside of you.
People seek someone like me out, often because they are afraid of the unknown. They think that if they only knew what was coming, or what they were suppose to be doing, they would know and the unknown fear would go away. The fears of the unkown are limitless. Fear of dying, fear of failing, fear of loosing the life that we know, etc. Knowing what is coming next is not where we find relief. We find relief from our inner trust that we can survive what is coming next. Which you already know you can. Even if you think you can't. Let's face it, you have no choice you survive until you don't and then you don't care any more anyway.
People get falsely lured into thinking that if you just know what is coming next, you will be okay and things will go well. Even if we can see the tidal waves coming, we can't always escape being swept away by them. In fact, if you can see them, the chances are you ARE going to get swept away by them.
Let me tell you quite bluntly, the fear of the unknown is holding you back. You don't have to wait for all things to be clear to trust your gut. You don't have to ask yourself what will be, you just have to look around and see what IS. You don't need reassurance from someone like me to tell you it is all going to be okay. If you let it be okay, it will be and can be right now!
So why come to someone like me if I can't answer all the questions of the unknown? What I do, is let you hear what subconsious tapes are holding you back. Let you see what is keeping you from being able to be here, now, letting in the life you desire. It is the thoughts and fears that manifest what you are experiencing. I help you see a new way out of those thoughts and fears so that the unknown is a gift, not a threat. So that the unknown is an opportunity waiting to unfold for you, that you know deep inside yourslef you deserve and are attracting from your highest possible self. (anyone with more experience on working on this with me, feel free to share your version of what you are working on in these sessions at www.facebook.com/insightfulinspirations )
Insightful Inspiration of the week
What unknown are you fearing most right now? What are you holding yourself back from because you are afraid you might make the wrong choice or might mess it up? What unknown future are you thinking of over and over, trying to lay down mental safety nets for? Will you let those go and trust? Look into yourself and release the need to know and bring in the "Clear definite vision" of your own success, strength and wisdom, not because you know what is coming next but because you don't and you are excited to see it unfold. Embrace the excitement of the book that is yet to be written and release into the path that has no predestined outcome.