Insightful Inspirations - Leanne Holitza

Energy healing, intuitive guidance

Leanne Holitza is an Intuitive healer working with your energy and thoughts to align you with your highest potential. Allowing you to experience more of what you already have, making room for more.  This site offers help with all areas of life through individual sessions, classes, yoga sessions, and more. My expertise also includes working with intuitive children. 

Filtering by Category: Relationships

Are those mine or yours? - Contagious Emotions

Emotions seem to be the easiest thing to share amongst friends; it's almost like a virus. One person feels happy and passes on to the next and the next and so on. That is ideal... but not always how it goes.

More often one person in line is angry and yelling at the cashier which puts you in a "what is wrong with people?" mood which leads you to go home and yell at your kids, which makes them mad at the each other and so on. Emotions are contagious and the sooner we learn to recognize the difference between our emotions and the people we are with, the easier time we will have in knowing ourselves.

Empathy as a survival skill

Empathy is defined by dictionary.comas "the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another." If you are experiencing the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another, how do you know you are acting in your own best interest and not the person you are empathizing with? If you are identifying with someone else's emotions and making decisions based on those emotions, they may not be right for you.

Empathy can be a survival skill. When we are born we can't talk yet and don't know much about the reality we have just arrived in. With this skill of empathy, we can read each others thoughts and emotions and make decisions on how we will engage with the environment.

"What am I really feeling?"

Things go off track when we don't know where our thoughts and feelings start and the other person's begin. We are always picking up on each other's energy in subtle ways. We feel each others state of mind and often change our behavior and feelings about the situation accordingly.

If you can begin to acknowledge when this sharing of energy is happening, you can begin to understand yourself more clearly and start setting new intentions. By paying attention to your ability to pick up on other people's thoughts and emotions, you begin to see when you are letting someone else's negativity win.

By becoming aware of how easily you change course based on what another person is doing or feeling you will be able to stop being a victim of others and empower yourself to dictate your mood and actions. 

What mood are you bringing to the room?

It is also helpful to observe those around you, especially children, as they pick up on your moods. Watch for that moment from when they switch over to what they were feeling independently to what they are feeling when they notice you.  Then ask yourself, is this how I want others to feel around me? 

You have more power than you think. If you walk into a room defensive and uptight, that is how the room will respond. This isn't to control how everyone else is feeling, but just to set an intention within yourself of the influence you want to be in the world. 

Ego, Ego On the Wall, who's the fairest of them all?

If you are a follower of metaphysical matters, you will often hear about the ego. Most of the time the ego is considered something to let go of, not something through which to live your life.

I think that's impossible for most of us. It isn't the point for us yet. I read a book called "The Rascal's Guide to Enlightenment" by Mat-Zo the unleavened one. You can tell by the title and author's name that it's a funny one. In his book he includes an "I Love my Ego Rebuild Kit." To paraphrase, it says something along the lines of "if you have ruined your ego through too much enlightenment work, use this rebuilding kit to fix it up." It's a pretty funny book. I recommend it to everyone.

Everything is about balance. As I watch children grow, I see their egos forming. It's part of development. Without it, they would miss an important part of their life lessons, like learning how to be compared to others and still feel good about themselves from the inside. Finding out that we are all different and coming to terms with what that means. 

However, as we mature and understand ourselves more deeply, we can soften our ego's role into a more helpful tool. We don't want to run the world with our egos out of whack because then we forget that we aren't the center of the universe and right about everything. But without enough ego, we may lose ourselves in that idea that everything is an illusion except spirit, which may also not be the best approach to living your life.  

I don't think it's about blowing the ego away. But it is about using our consciousness to bring everything into balance through understanding our relationship with ego and spirit. With intention, the ego can work with the spirit to enhance your sense of authenticity. Below is a video from Teal Swan on her thoughts about ego vs. intuition. Watch more about authenticity here.

The Mind

The ego helps us discern between "us" and "them." It works with you to find joy in the separate existence that we are all living. 

The spirit uses the mind to understand itself more deeply. Knowing how to witness the ego self gives depth and expansion to the spirit. 

Every human being has had some experience of guidance. That is not our challenge. Our challenge is: Will our ego humble enough to acknowledge that there is more than the ego running the world and the experience of the human journey through life?
— Sonia Choquette

The Body

The ego helps set boundaries about how you want to be treated, emotionally and physically. What feels good to you is not the same for everyone. It helps formulate experiences that are specifically enjoyed by the separate self. 

The spirit helps setup how you experience yourself in the world. It frames your perceptions, what you expect and how your respond to your physical world. The physical body provides a vessel of knowing the spirit through experience and expression. 

The Spirit

The ego’s connection to the concept of spirit has rules of morality, organization and formulations about to understand the difference between right and wrong. It helps feeling supported in the separate self as "good."

The spirit has expansiveness and the understanding that it's bigger than just the immediate moment. It is bigger than the experience of right now, but holds in it the whole truth of self that allows the ego to create yet more experiences. 

Balancing Visualization

I offer you a visualization to release the story of the mind, which helps the ego to soften and allows the balance of ego and spirit to take place.  Click here to access the mp3 file on Google Drive.

Manifesting what you are Worth

As I watch the ways of the world and the underlying motives of the humans around me, I notice that most of our bad decisions come from a lack of self worth. It keeps us hiding in ourselves and shaming and shunning ourselves into further disconnect from those around us.

We can look at the big stuff such as having affairs, lying, making others feel bad, etc. but there are so many little things too. The thing that continues to surprise me is that we often make decisions to do things because we are insecure about aspects of ourselves that no one else even cares about. People around you might even laugh if they knew your "secret" dark side.

How can you manifest what you are worth if you don't know what you are worth and you aren't facing what is blocking you from that knowledge. Self worth is a great place to start in figuring out how you are blocked to manifesting what you want. 

FacE Yourself

The key here is, if we could just face that we feel bad about ourselves and are insecure, rather than constantly running from that feeling through ego boosting activities, we would probably stop creating reasons to feel bad about ourselves. It is the belief that we are no good that perpetuates those actions to lead us to make that judgment to begin with. The chicken and the egg is no debate on this one. We don't make bad decisions because we are bad people; we make bad decisions because we are too afraid to face our fears that we are bad people.

Lets take the playground as an example. A young boy who feels good about himself invites children to play with him. Allowing the other people to also feel successful in their pursuits and encourages the joy of success in others. The boy who is worried about his own worth will often compete or show off talents they think would make others feel inferior too. We have trained ourselves to think the later is “normal.” As normal as it may seem, it is an energetic indicator that this person doesn’t know their worth.

Another example is the corporate ladder. Leaders who feel secure in themselves climb easily and bring others with them. Leaders who feel more nervous or like imposters in their positions often ride on others coat tails and make sure those around them know they are superior. Again, just because the later is more common, doesn’t mean it is the optimized way to be.

Love Yourself

If we boost our trust in ourselves, love for ourselves and believe that we are inherently good; we start to make decisions from a more authentic place. Not that controlling, manipulative place that tries to make us look good, but the place that is naturally already good. If we trust it to be there and stop wondering if it is there, we stop second-guessing, stop making choices out of how we appear. We start to do things that boost our self worth, thus perpetuating the cycle of building self worth rather than breaking it down.

There are tons of tools out there these days. Here are a few that I suggest to enhance your self love space. 

There are tons of resources out there. Google it and see what resonates with you. Then make it a habit to love yourself more. 

If you are an angel person, here is a video from Doreen Virtue. 

Be yourself

Stop trying to pretend you think highly of yourself and actually do think highly of yourself. Don't worry about what other people think of you, rather concern yourself with what you think of you. If you aren't thinking highly of yourself, your best bet to having a better life starts there.

How? The first step is to start correcting your own inner dialogue. Catch yourself when you make disparaging comments about yourself (which you probably say out loud too) and correct it to a statement that affirms what you want to be. For example, change "I can't believe I did that, I am so spacey!" to "Wow, I just did that to remind myself to pay more attention. I will gladly take that challenge."  By taking on the challenge, you are offering yourself growth and depth in understanding of yourself.

Facebook me if you want me to break this topic down more. It is truly a great place to start the healing process. (or of course comment here)

How to feel worthy, even when rejected

Unemployment, divorce or any other life crisis where you feel rejected can be devastating to the manifesting space. If you let it, these kinds of experiences can leave you feeling victimized, wounded and unworthy to have the world work in your favor. 

There are periods when we can also get convinced people only like us for what we can give them, not because they authentically like us. We get angry because we feel used and alone in our most vulnerable times of need.

But this doesn't have to be a blow to the manifester inside and in fact can actually strengthen your abilities to create an authentic life. 

False foundations

Sometimes we establish relationships with people based on something we give them and when we test the relationship by taking that thing away, we are shocked to find the relationship falls apart. For example, new jobs. You go into the interview, probably promising your devotion, hard work and endless talent. You get the job and then kill yourself for months working hard to prove yourself. Then the steam starts to run out and you realize what you did was over-promise and the level of work you could sustain long term does not match up with the expectations you have set..

You overextended your energy to prove yourself instead of standing in your authentic value and making that work for you. Then your work quantity tarts to go down, and although it might be more reasonable, it isn't what you promised originally and your employer is feeling annoyed. You feel like "what the heck, I have been killing myself for this person."

Yeah... and that is what they began to expect! You could apply this to your friendships, your relationships, anything. Did you promise something you couldn't sustain? Why didn't you just promise what you could authentically do in the first place and accept that that is enough? You would have been better off to be rejected in the first place, rather than burn out your energy trying to be somewhere you don't fit.

Counting on others

Another scenario is that sometimes we are meant to be alone to work through some things. Although right now, all we want in the world is someone to hold us and tell us it will be okay, that person isn't there for a reason. You are meant to deal with things alone so you face them and work through them in your own energy. Other people will put "fix it" energy in our space in a time we need to just be with something and so sometimes we need space, even if we don't want it. 

It is in the realization of your own strength and understanding of yourself that you find your life to be sustainable. When you are able to show up in ease and grace and have the world around your support that, then you are moving into authentic manifestation. 

No victims, only volunteers

Each scenario is not a punishment to victimize you (yet again). It is there to teach you about your authentic, powerful self and highlight the beliefs and situations that you give your power to that are no longer serving you. These situations show up to help you stand tall in your own space, no matter what. You can use this rejected energy to curl up in a ball and feel sorry for yourself, or you can put that energy into healing your fears and self worth issues that have brought you here in the first place. Once you do that you can go to new places in the future and not replay old patterns.

Manifesting in your truth

Embrace every moment as a teaching, healing moment. Where do you feel rejected? What is coming up in this rejection? Do you feel alone? Abused? Used? Under valued? Why is this a bad feeling for you? Is this true? Are you really being abused, used, under valued?

If you are, why are you allowing that to happen? How is that serving you? Are you getting false acceptance from this behavior? Maybe you would like to change it but don't know how. It's okay, just notice it for now and remember that you want to do something different. Keep that awareness and see how things shift. If you aren't feeling abused, etc. then why are you letting yourself get worked up about it? Is it keeping you from looking at the real issue for yourself?

Allow every moment, no matter how hard, to be a moment of reflection for yourself. Rather than resist it and try to get out of it, embrace it. Let it teach you. You are already suffering, why not get some value out of it? Why waste a good opportunity to learn?

Happy healing.

The energy of worry

Kids, our friends, or family are all potential targets for our worry. It shows we care about the outcome for them, right? Wrong! When you worry about someone, you are energetically saying "I don't trust you to be okay". Energetically you are sending them concerns about who, what, where, how they are. This energy drops their energy down potentially propelling them further into the issues they are in. 

Your thoughts actually weaken the person you are worrying about. You are reinforcing any doubts they are having about their progress and victimizing them in their reality. I would venture to guess that was not your intention at all. 

What would be more helpful for the person you love and have concerns for is to support them in their power. Sending them energy to support them in getting what they need out of the situation. Sending them "you are perfect and powerful the way you are and I trust you to be okay" thoughts. Energetically it is the difference between telling someone "you can do it" or "I HOPE you can do it". Which one is more supportive? Imagine how that would feel if someone did that for you, stopped worrying and started cheering you on.

Here are three quick ways to turn a worry into support.

  • Focus on what you want for the person, not what you view as a problem that is occurring. 
  • Check your motives and be clear what is yours and what is really their's to handle. 
  • Check to see if you think the situation can change. If you think someone is caught in a life sentence of struggle, how could they ever feel empowered by your support? 

Bottom line, let that person know you trust them to be okay in the end. Think about how great it would feel if everyone around you said "you can do this" instead of "I hope you survive." 


I am right!

Perspective - this is something I have blogged on more than once. The two sides to every story, how you can change your perspective, etc. What is so important about this topic? Everything!

Dictionary.com provides seven different definitions of perspective. Wikipedia breaks it out into groups, i.e. graphical, visual, cognitive. All of which are relevant to the topic of understanding your place in the world. The one I am going to focus on today is "one's "point of view", the choice of a context for opinions, beliefs and experiences".

In relationships with other people we spend a lot of time trying to see each other's points of view, convincing others to see our side of things, trying to understand where they are coming from, etc. But this is my message for you... no matter how hard you try and see another person's point of view, you are still seeing their point of view from your point of view and vice versa.  It is impossible for you to truly see their point of view.

All of their life experiences make them unique to how they perceive things. Scientist have proven this even with identical twins who have lived very similar lives. Their perspectives are still radically different.

When I do couples sessions, I decode the two perspectives for the other to where they have "aha!" moments about their communication space. They can see how their causing misunderstandings by assuming the person is hearing them the way they hear themselves. They begin to understand that the misunderstandings are not personal to their spouse not wanting to hear them but rather that they have their own filters that they listen with. It seems to relieve stress in the relationship and help them to accept each other more.

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.
— Friedrich Nietzsche

This is important to remind yourself of because when you are trying to understand or be understood, there is no right or wrong answer. There is no definitive "this is the way things are". We often spend a lot of energy trying to get to "right" vs. "wrong" but because of perspective this is different for everyone. For example, just because you feel better not eating meat does not mean that is the right choice for everyone or doing Yoga makes you feel fit, but others like to run.  

The best part is, this is OKAY! It is wonderful for each and every one of us to see the world differently. It helps us realize endless possibilities of our human form. Our evolutionary possibilities are endless because we all see things differently.

Are you spending energy and time trying to understand some one's point of view or have them understand yours? Step back for a minute from this process. See it for what it is and the possibilities that this is creating.

Maybe your significant other wants to spend some money going on vacation and you want to invest it on your house. What are the different points of views bringing to light for both of you. Can you take that wisdom with you as you search for a compromise? Why is the universe presenting you with this difference of opinion? What is it trying to get you to see differently?

Embrace who you are and how you think. This is your gift to the world. Share it with an open mind and open heart and encourage others to do the same.

Service as a path to peace

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"I am endeavoring to see God through service to humanity, for I know that God is neither in heaven, nor down below, but in everyone." - Gandhi

If you know me, you know I find myself getting mixed up in all kinds of "act of service". Most of which I feel is useful to the world and gives back to me as I give. However, there are some acts of service I find myself doing out of obligation or out of fear that if I don't do it no one will and it must be done. 

When I look at the energetic imprint of both types of service I clearly can see that the times when I do things out of authentic desire to be of service is the times that both the receiver of my service and myself truly get the gift I am intending to give. However, on the flip side, when I act in service out of obligation I am blocking both myself and the receiver from everything but the feeling of obligation.   

Where you give from within yourself matters. Who you are as the giver at the time of giving matters to the receiver. You will only be successful in giving of yourself and your time when you can do it from the space of service for the sake of giving. When you are able to access this space of clear giving you are able to feel and see the benefits of your actions. It helps instill a sense of purpose in life, a sense of connection, and a sense of hope.  

For example, as a CASA I am only good at volunteering, when I show up without any expectations of outcomes. I am only able to enjoy the work, when I show up to see humanity in everyone, including the mistakes most of humanity would consider hard to see and hard to accept. I am only able to  be the change agent in my role when all I ask of myself is to be of service to humanity, then I can truly see the human behind acts that seem unforgivable. Then I am able to forgive what I am seeing and accept the humanity in it instead. It keeps me from being injured by what I am witnessing and allows me to be present in the service.

Then I can be at peace with the things I see in the world and find a sense of purpose at the same time. 

Insightful Inspiration 

 Next time you do something out of service for someone else, or the greater good, check in with yourself about why you are doing it, what you expect from it, and what judgement you have about it. See if you can release yourself from all of the motives, expectations and judgement and still do the act of service. If you can't then find something else you can do instead. 

 

It is always a choice

I had my first child at the age of 23, in what I had perceived as, the best laid out plan. I had been married for two year (my criteria), my husband was just about to turn 30 (his criteria), I was finishing my master's degree (7 months pregnant), I had a job, a house and the knowledge of every book on the shelves on how to have a baby. What could go wrong? I followed all the rules. It will be perfect. Let me tell you have quickly my little man (now turning 11) taught me how wrong I was! His birth was nothing I had ever planned and left me feeling slighted  and cheated out of the beautiful birth experience I thought I deserved. He went further to teach my lesson on how much control I was trying to have by not being responsive to love and logic, Montessori, or perfectly laid out bedtime routines.  This kid wouldn't give me a break!

Oh what a gift he truly is in my life. He slowly, in his perfect way, allowed me to release myself from the slavery of doing things "right". As I started to allow myself to stop fighting his divine wisdom and start taking it in, I started to see the gifts of the universe all around me. Not just in him, but in every struggle, challenge and moment of authentic success. Thank you my first son, for all you have given me and continue to give me.

I can't say I am no longer learning. I will be learning until I no longer exist in this reality. That is beautiful and I invite it in with ease and grace. However, may people fight this concept. They resent their experiences and they fight their  relationships. They get angry and the very suggestion that they have a choice and have invited in their experiences to grow. It is always a choice, but that choice is always yours.

Insightful Inspiration

Check in with yourself. Are you choosing to accept your challenges with ease and grace or struggle and gloom?  You are in charge of your life and when you stop resisting long enough to see what gifts are being offered to you, you are allowing the possibilities of the universe unfold right before your eyes. Opportunities to grow and learn is your birth right and will be given to you in every moment in every day. The choice it to see it or ignore it.

My Book Is Here!

I have been so busy that I haven't had time to blog about my news!  I have published a book! Insightful Inspirations, conversation starters with your authentic self. http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000531426/Insightful-Inspirations.aspx This book is a compilation of blogs, work with others and just general wisdom I have recieved. It is designed to be held in your hand, holding a question in your mind and then open it up to some perspective. I hope to have a card deck that goes with it one day. The artist who did my cover, Stephanie Ingraham with Siyo, will be doing that artwork.

I have to admit that I was pretty nervous to put this book out. Even though I have had it written for over two years, there is just so much exposure with putting this out. I have already found one typo, despite having several proofs and am not sure I like how it printed with the questions on the back of the page. But the gift of this experience is that it is a perfect healing opportunity for my perfection issues! It doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful. That is the amazing gift I will find here, how to just trust and accept my imperfections.

On the flip side, I am even more worried it will do well! :) Fear of success I guess. But part of me worries that I won't have time and won't appreciate the exposure. Again, another amazing opportunity to face my fears and heal. I am catching myself saying "It is just a little book" or "Yeah, no big deal". Wow, who knew I would have such a hard time embracing my accomplishment! I am releasing this issue as well and look forward to whatever this brings.

I have been using the book on my own since I received it and I have to say, I love having it in a format I can hold in my hand. It is so much fun to use! (If I do say so myself.) So I hope you all will take a moment to check it out and find as much value out of it as I do.

Insightful Inspiration

What have you delayed putting out into the world because you are afraid of having it fail? Or maybe you are afraid of it suceeding! What is the worst that can happen? What is the best that can happen? Is it worth the risk?

If you have already faced something like this, share with us. We can all learn from you.

Sending love

I often make the wonderful mistake of sharing my guides messages with my husband, only to have them thrown back at me constantly for the next month. I actually do love it, but this one was a challenge because it came up often. The guidance for me was that if I am not contributing love to it, I shouldn't put energy into. That meant everything! I thought, I am a loving, accepting, spiritual person... that should be no problem. Holy Cow! It was harder than you think. It wasn't long before I found myself hitting walls with it. The first place it came up was with my kids! The people I love an accept the most. As they began to act out and do their normal kid things, I found myself getting worked up and frustrated. This was not contributing love to the situation. The first time this happened, I sent love to my youngest son (just with my heart and mind, not saying a word) and he began to calm down before my eyes. It would seem that would be enough to anchor the guidance in. But I am human too and these situations arise again and again. Thank goodness for my husband (although maybe not thinking that at the time) as he yells out "send it love!" everytime I begin to slip up.

Here is where I struggled to send love, but did so anyway: when I was being judged, when I felt hurt, when I felt out of control, when I felt victimized in some way, and when I took things personally. So now I know my triggers, I pay attention to why my guides would be so insistent on this guidance. It quickly became clear that when I couldn't send love to something I was feeling separate and disconnected and contibuting to that disconnect for everyone else! Eek. Not something I would ever want to do consciously. It also made me feel drained and weakened my energy system. Again, something I want to avoid.

I am choosing to pay attention to these situations and contribute love as often as I can. I am human and have to give myself permission to my emotions, but I can still send it love while feeling my own emotions. It is kind of like putting oil on something in the oven. It is still going to cook, the oil is just makes it more tender. :)

Insightful Inspiration

I pass this challenge on to you. Send love to absolutely every situation you can this week. Notice when you struggle to do this and see if it gives you information about yourself and where you may be loosing yourself through out the day. These are the situations that drain you of your positive energy. As always, I invite you to share your experiences.

You see me as you

I have always known, because of my perspective, that people don't see me, they see me through their filter. Probably the same goes for me and everyone. But this is important to remember! Because as you are projecting on to someone else who they are, remember you have no idea! You are seeing who they are from who you are. To add to this conversation, your subconsious mind does not like to be wrong. So if you believe a person is xyz because of your filters, you will create a reality of people who mirror what you believe. Your mind can't handle it to be any other way. The problem with this is, that we believe what we see is all that there is and anywhere we turn, it is proven to be true! Mainly because our subconsious mind has made sure that we are surrounded with people that validate whatit believes.

When someone comes into your space that doesn't validate your beliefs, you do one of two things. You either a) kick them out immediately from your life or b) you project on to them what you think is "really going on" inside them.

Eitherway, they are still validating your reality too. Now, what if, a person comes into your reality and refuses to play the game. Refuses to let you reject them or project onto them? What then?

I experimented (some what accidently) with this concept recently. Boy it amps up before it calms down. The subconsious fights, struggles and projects like crazy. It creates a victim out of the person it is controlling and makes the invalidator WRONG and MEAN! Now refusing to be WRONG and MEAN, I endured a bit to get to the otherside.... but I think I did get there. I think what happened was I won over the subconsious! I created a new path way in people that said reality can be different! Wahoo! Granted, I think. We will see...

Insightful Inspiration

What reality are you refusing to believe in. Maybe it is a good one, that would be good for you to believe in, but you just can't find someone to stand up to your subconsious. Here is an idea, maybe you can stand up to your subconscious. If you want to change a belief system... then do! Change it and see what happens. Fight the need to validate your old way and find ways to validate your new way. That is the meaning of Ghandi's quote, "Be the change you want to see." It means you have to just live it and fight through all the realities you have built to back up your old way of thinking and break through to the new way! Once you do this once, you will realize your own power to mainifest your reality. Give it a shot.

Drop the judgement!

Judgement is such a sticky thing. Fear of judgement makes us second guess ourselves, make bad choices and pretend to be something we aren't.  Love of judgement make us scrutinize the people we love and the friends we love to hate. Addiction to judgement make us judge people we only sort of know thinking we know them because we "know the type". My guess is, most of you are doing all three. The truth is judgement is the thing that keeps us separated, not connected. It keeps you down, not up. It holds you back, it doesn't push you ahead.

Some inside scoop on me...

I have a VERY twice exceptional child. Anyone who knows me, knows my struggles (because it is kind of consuming). But it very interesting to me how even when you see my authentic, heartfelt struggles, people still judge. It is probably the hardest place in the world to be judged; my mothering, my child, my perfect love. My kid is not obviously impaired in anyway. In fact, he comes across as being just defiant and self absorbed, albeit extremely intelligent. Even his own grandfather struggles to know how to "accept" him for what he is.

You are probably curious by now what is "wrong" with my child. The truth is NOTHING. Okay that is the spiritual Mom answer. The diagnosis is complex and anyone who evaluates him, says he doesn't fit even the molds of the diagnosis he has. ADHD, Sensory Integration Disorder, Coordination Disorder... who knows really. The fact is, my kids is lovable, extremely capable, intelligent, and AMAZING. When I read his soul, it is wise and uncaring about the things us younger souls want to struggle with. When I see him in the world, he pokes at the very core of the illusion, forcing people to second guess their automatic pilot mode and wake up. His questioning is authentic, not defiant, and quite frankly good for us to hear. We once were grilling him on his grades and he sat smiling. My husband said "You don't get it!" He said, "Yes I do, I have bad grades and I need to focus more on that. But it doesn't have to affect my present happiness." Wow! I want to think like that more often.

My point of my motherly vent is, that we are all so quick to judge. So quick to deny someone acceptance. We forget how that feels when it is done to us. Especially on the topics that we try so hard to do "right".

Let me give you one metaphor that you have heard before from me. If you love a child for it's mistakes, nurture them through it struggles, have compasion for their bad choices, it will grow up to be a loving, nurturing, forgiving person. Because you taught it how. If you scold them, accuse them, shame them and judge them, it will grow up to be a scolding, accusing, shaming and judging person. Who would you like to foster in your world?

Insightful Inspiration

Take this week to think about how much judgement is running your life. See if you happy with letting it run your life. "Good judgement" is important for yourself, but when it extends into situations you are not familiar with, it is not helpful to you or the other person for you to pass judgement on it. Work on bringing awareness to who you are categorizing, rejecting and downright making feel miserable with your negative energy about them. Pull it back. Own up to what you are sending out and stop it! Love yourself, love each other and do you best to love the world we live in. It isn't perfect, but things don't get better when you judge it, they get better when you nurture it.

Trust yourself and you can trust anything

We are finding it hard to trust anything any more. What once seemed certain is no longer and what someone tells us is going on can't be trusted. Gone are the days of being able to trust blindly. You can't look to others for the truth. Is all lost? Are we victims of a society that is gone wrong? Or maybe we are shifting to an age where we no longer look outside of ourselves to find the truth. We are shifting to the only thing we can trust is ourselves. However we don't even trust that! When we are making this shift to having to trust ourselves first we get resentful, angry and blame each other for this shift. We fight it and blame others "damn you, now I have to listen closer to myself next time!"

However, what if you could trust everything outside yourself because you could trust yourself, with 100% certainty, that you are always aligning with your highest good? What if you could see the wisdom of your ways without fear of  mistakes, being taken advantage of, or going down a path you never intended? You can!

When you are in alignment with yourself, listening to your internal wisdom, seeing the beauty of your life from the connected eyes of trusting yourself, you see a world that free. You open up to your experiences because you aren't afraid of them. You experience things to the highest possible level because you trust your judgement of when to stop without second guessing. You engage fully in relationships without fear of misunderstanding another's intentions and getting hurt.

How do I trust myself on this level, you ask? Well, it starts with being willing to try to stop thinking of the concept of self trust is bad! It is the only thing you have, but when you have it, everything else can be trusted too. You have been doing it backwards. Start taking time to tune in and pay attention to your gut.

Insightful Inspiration

Start making a habit to listening to your gut. Start working on the issues that keep you from that trust in yourself. If you aren't trustworthy, why not? If you can't trust you, how can you expect anyone else to and how can you trust anyone else? I am not saying the voices in your head are all correct. But if you start to listen, you can start to tell the difference between what is good guidance and was isn't. This is one of the biggest questions you can ask yourself, can I be trusted? If you can't, time to find out why. Make a change so you can freely live your life without blame of others and without fear of yourself?

Enmeshed

Okay, leave it to a clairvoyant with marketing background to compare relationships to Venn Diagrams, you may not event know what it is... but the picture to the left is a Venn Diagram. It is used to demonstrate where common elements come together in an otherwise separate concept. The dark part of the circle represents both concepts coming together in a common way. The way I relate this to relationships is that everyone connects to people in their lives in a common way (dark part of circles) it could be common interests, love, situations, etc. The circle represents you and the other person's energy, hopefully continuously flowing and bringing in new energy to the common relationship. Where we get into trouble is when these circles over lap too much and we become enmeshed or tangled up in each other's energy and we loose site of where we begin and other person stops. We loose ourselves in the relationship. We loose the ability to make decisions for ourselves (always taking into account the other person's desires first) and we forget what makes us independently happy and US.

Ultimately when we get too enmeshed, with each other, the energy gets stuck and things start to bounce off each other. We get resentful that things feel this way and because we are so enmeshed we blame the other person for the stickiness.

If we take time to untangle ourselves a bit and reestablish who we are in the connection, we bring fresh insight, passion and overall appreciation fot the connection. We find ourselves in the mix and take responsibility for the things we can control. This gives us the ability to find authentic power.

Relationships that overlap too little often just end. Which may be the appropriate things to happen if there is no common ground.

Insightful Inspiration of the week

Take a look at your most important relationships. This could be a significant other, a boss, a best friend and even your children. Are you allowing yourself and the other person to have their own space? Are you tapping into the fresh flow of energy by finding passions that exist beyond that relationship? See if there are any adjustments you want to make. See if you can find what your common connections are and seek out bringing fresh energy from yourself through self exploration, back to the relationship.

As always feel free to comment or ask questions. I am always interested.

Separation

Separation is kind of the key to all things that ail us in these human bodies. We are separate from one another in form and mind but not in spirit and reality. Together we create our reality, but we do so from separate minds and experiences. This provides a ripe learning ground for our souls, but a lot of complicated matters for our perceptions. When we perceive ourselves to be separate we believe that we must fight another for the resources that are available. We believe that we better or worse than someone else. We believe that judgement  of someone else is necessary to gauge ourselves. We believe that our actions don't always affect others if they don't know about it or see it. We believe that as separate beings we are alone, most of the time. I once heard someone say "You are born alone and you die alone, get use to it."

We are, however, very connected in all ways. Our energy entangle together in all things. We know this deep down within ourselves. Most of us as humans learn compassion and empathy, which leads us to connecting with other people's experiences of the world. Most of us forget at times that others do not know the world exactly as we know it and forget to explain things from our point of view, thinking everyone should already know it. Most of us feel the need to connect with at least one other person on a regular basis, in order to feel fulfilled. Most of us are capable of seeing that our actions do affect others and make choices accordingly. We never completely forget our connection either.

When we see each other as reflections of ourselves, we can begin to see we are fragmenting what was once whole, to better understand it. When we can see that the illusion of separate is mearly an experiement in better understanding, we still respect the connections we all have. When we are able to connect to the real dilemas of being separate we can appreciate the true gift of connection.

Insightful Inspiration for the week

Contemplate this idea that you are a separate being from everyone else around your. Your ideas, experiences, perceptions are all your own, shared by no one. Then contemplate all the ways you are connected to others and how others have effects on you ideas, choices, actions, etc.  Take notice where your actions, feelings, etc. have an effect on others. Are there any adjustments you want to make to this perception of connected versus separate? Do you want to balance this perception out one way or another a little more or are you happy with your current believes. Weigh the benefits of both and see how that automatically shifts your idea on the subject.

Sympathy, Empathy and all things in between

My 10 year old son called me from school this week to tell me that he cut his face on the playground. I asked him if his glasses were broken... no... I asked if he need to come home or go to the doctor... no... So then I gave him what he really called for, which was mommy sympathy. :) I didn't feel the pain for him, or cry for him that it happened. (Empathy) I just told him I was sorry that happened and asked him how he was and gave him my love. (Sympathy) As you are out in the world engaging with people, it is important to know how to tell the difference between compassion, sympathy, empathy and all things in between.

Empathy is rarely helpful, although many of us are empaths and, without trying, feel what the other people are feeling. The reason empathy is not helpful is because it just drags you down into what that person is feeling and offers no help, guidance, love or support. I like to refer to this as getting into the mud with someone to try and get them clean. Now you both are dirty and you are getting nowhere.

Sympathy can be helpful and often times it is all we really want when we tell our stories. When we complain about work, family, friends, etc. We aren't saying "fix this for me" we are simply saying "listen and sympathize". Yes, on a soul level you are choosing this experience, but at the same time, sometimes our choices suck. :) This is often where relationships get strained. One person says "they never listen", mainly because they rarely sympathize. Often times we are trying to offer advice or fix someone, when all they want it an ear.

Compassion can be a tricky one. We use compassion in a variety of ways. We can have compassion for the Tsunami victims in Japan. We can have compassion for our dying grandmother. We can even have compassion for our children, when they are struggling with the oh so common social issues. But what is compassion really?

 Wikipedia says "Compassion (from Latin: "co-suffering") is a virtue —one in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy (for the suffering of others) are regarded as a part of love itself, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnectedness and humanism —foundational to the highest principles in philosophy, society, and personhood." I have blogged about compassion many times as I see it as a critical part to our human exisitance, experience and spiritual growth.

But quite honestly, I see it differently than the latin word of co-suffering. I see it as being able to understand someone on a deeper level and to not condone their actions, but understand how they are feeling anyway. You don't condone a murderer, but after learning about his abusive childhood, you might gain some compassion for him as a damaged individual who had no other skill. I see compassion as the ability to see each other as connected, human and flawless in our flaws in our wisdom of "oneness".

Insightful Inspiration of the week

Check in with your interactions this week. See yourself from the perspective of these concepts. Are there any adjustments you want to make in your interactions? Play around with it, see what you can and can not offer out easily. Maybe it is hard for you not to try and "fix". Maybe it is hard for you not to empathize and suffer with others. Make note of where you are and point yourself in the direction you want to be. As always, you are welcome to share your thoughts and experiences.

My grandma taught me presence

My husband and I were talking about this last night and he thought it was a great blog. My grandma would take me for a couple of weeks to a month over the summer. She would save up her vacation, take off time and make me the center of the universe. I loved it! She would listen to me, take me places and just be with me. Granted she kept up some of her responsibilities volunteering in the community (which now I love to do too) and seeing to family matters. But she has this way of being with you, that just makes you feel great. She is present! As my husband and I discussed this, we couldn't exactly put our finger on what that quality IS exactly. But we know it when we feel it and she is an excellent giver of it. She is able to really hear you and see you, in a way most of us don't have time for. Maybe it is that she grew up in a small farmhouse with five sisters. Maybe it is because she is was a psychiatric nurse and is able to understand people on that level. But mostly, I just think it is who she is. She just gives off that quality and I think she has taught me how to give that same quality back to people. It is the gift of just being there for someone. Nothing more than just being...

Insightful Inspirations for the week

Think about the one person who was your role model growing up, the role model above all role models. Think of the one person you look at now and say "thank goodness" for. Spend some time contemplating the gifts that person gave you and realizing that those gifts are now in you to give too. This is the power of who we are. We can share energy that can keep going and going. When we choose to share positive energy, the effects can be dramatic and amazing or subtle and precious. Either way, it is a gift.

Unwanted help.

I was in VitalHearts resiliency training this week. I highly recommend it to anyone who is in the healing fields themselves such as nursing, social work, etc. The concepts in it are practices I use and teach to my healing students already, presented in a very practical manner for the "typical" person.  In this training, someone told a story about someone in her office trying to offer help that wasn't asked for, but they thought was needed. She asked this person if that person even wanted this type of help, and he said no, but she needed it. It inspired me to blog about it! We all do this, offering help we think people need it, not really asking if they even want our help. Maybe they don't want to change, or maybe they don't want to change the way we think they should want to. Yet we persist in our trying and resent them for not being able to accept our help.

Insightful Inspriation for the week

Check in with yourself. Are you offering someone help that isn't asking you for it. Are you trying to "fix" someone in a way that maybe they don't want to be fixed? Is it causing resentment? Notice what you are doing and try and release you need to help in this way. Offer help where you it is wanted and back off where it isn't. It is nothing personal, we are all just only ready for what we are ready for.

Maybe someone is even doing this to you. If this is happening to you, rather than by you (or both) maybe you need to gratefully thank them for their help, but inform them that you aren't interested in changing in the way they want you to.

A little compassion goes along way

You may be just one person, but your impact on other people is huge. We often forget that and go unconsciously affecting others without even giving it a second thought. What you say and even the expressions you make on your face can affect a person's entire week. Compassion for each other and our inner and outer struggles is a key component to bringing more light into the world. Although the dictionary defines compassion as pity, I look at it completely different. I don't think pity helps anyone. But compassion is an amazing gift you can give. Compassion says "I see you for who you are without judgement and understand your struggle." Compassion says "I don't condone what you do, but I understand why you do it." Compassion says "I am not going to add to your struggles, but simply be here to help alleviate them any way I can."

Let me give you an example. Let's say you call a friend with good news and they don't respond the way you want them to. After you hang up you feel resentful because they seemed uncaring and uninterested in you. You stress and judge about this person and their response. Can you have compassion instead of judgement. Something about them is keeping them from sharing your joy. It isn't about you any more than your news is about them. Is you can give that person compassion, you don't take on resentment and they don't take on judgement. Instead a gift is shared.

Here is another example. Let's say it is your job to call someone and ask them to pay a bill that is past due. You can call this person in judgement of how irresponsible they are. Or you can call them with compassion, understanding that whatever circumstance brought them not to pay this bill is probably causing them great stress and turmoil. Even if it just because they have a spending addiction. They are tormented. You can either contribute to their suffering (and yours for that matter) or you can give compassion. You never know how you might affect the world with this simple act.

If you haven't heard the pay it forward Starbucks story, you should read about it. http://www.sj-r.com/top-stories/x626051109/Starbucks-customers-pay-it-forward This is a great story about a simple act of kindness going a long way.

Insightful Inspiration for the week

Send a little compassion to someone you would normally judge. Send them this energy, just from within yourself. You don't even have to say or do anything. Just send the energy to them. Pay attention to what happens. Pay attention to how you feel and how the world around you reflects this change. As the saying goes, "Do unto others as you would have done to you." You never know how much of an impact you energy will make today. Use it wisely.