Shame and Guilt
I have recently been turned on to the ideas of Brene Brown, which gave me an idea on a very important issue to address. The difference between shame and guilt. Shame is when you apply something you have done to who you are as a person. Guilt is when you apply a mistake you made to something you have done. There is a big difference in the emotional health of a person, but also energetically it is significant.
As conscious parents you are hopefully working diligently to protect your child's self esteem. But we want to teach the children to also protect their own self esteem.
Other people in the world will shame, guilt and blame them and it is important to know what to do with that energy. Here are a few tips to share with your kids.
- Ground your energy to the earth
- Find your center
- Protect yourself
- Notice if the statement is based in present time (often people bring up the past)
- Fill in with gold energy to find your truth about what is being said.
I have a blog about these topics for adults here. For kids, if they don't know these techniques you can just ask them, when things are calm, to practice feeling their body/mind connect into their belly or seat. Ask them to notice this space when they are feeling threatened or challenged. (you can also check out my schedule for kids classes)
It is always good to go back and reflect on conflicts after things are calm. Discussing where the truth of the negative statements lie and their personal responsibility for the conflict to begin with. It is much easier to find your center and stay grounded if you know how to do it in calm times first and then practice doing it in times that are more challenging.
If you don't know the power of shame and guilt on your kids, I highly recommend you research it further.
As a parent on an energetic level, the best thing to do is also know your emotional hooks to your kids. Kids hook us into emotions we might not always have control over. If you learn your emotional hooks in advance, you will be less likely to result to shaming, because you will have enough emotional control to engage the coaching, rational mind instead.
I would love to hear your comments. Feel free to share your thoughts and questions on this topic.