Give as if you won't get anything in return
If you knew that your actions were not going to receive any recognition, would you still do them? No one would say “thank you” or know it was you who did it. No one would change their actions or even be grateful for what you have done.
Would you still give your time, effort, or resources?
The earth gives to us every day without expectations from us. The universe guides us without managing our choices or getting in the way of our mistakes. Rarely do we thank the earth, the sun, the moon, the universe for all it does for us. Yet it still provides, every day.
Because of our relationship with separation, our egos require recognition of our efforts and of the things we do for others. Without recognition we lose motivation and gain resentment.
Think about it, we can’t even smile at each other without a smile in return. If you don’t get reciprocity, you begin making up stories in your head about what went wrong and reenforce victim energy.
Often times in our relationships we will give to another with the expectation that they will do something in return that is to our liking. Agreements form in our heads like “I took care of you while you were sick, so you will be there for me when I need you.” Or “I let you slide on a debt but now you will loan me $20 for lunch.” Or “I helped you get back on your feet and now you are screwing up again, you should be doing better!”
Really what is happening is our soul is crying out to be seen, to connect and be told we are enough. But the exchange and expectations get in the way of that authentic connection.
Gifts with expectations are really not gifts. They are attachments to outcomes that often cause us to participate in the difficult game of people pleasing.
It makes our giving and receiving space tight and short and very transactional. We begin keeping score and feeling slighted when repayment for that gift doesn’t come in the form we want or as fast as we want it.
This kind of transactional approach also blocks our manifestation fields. It keeps our manifestations small and in a tight loop, instead of an expansive loop that continuously grows in unexpected ways.
Think of it this way. If I give you $100 for your birthday and so then in turn you think you have to give me $100 for my birthday, nothing expands and everything is just a transaction. But if I instead if I used that $100 to buy some seeds and start a garden, I might grow more than $100 worth of vegetables in which I can give to you, myself and others and the gift expands.
When past gifts given to us with expectation backfired on us when we accepted them, we learn to reject anything anyone gives us because we know it will come with strings, and we don’t want that.
For example, your friend gives your grandma gave you a beautiful outfit to wear, that didn’t quite fit your tastes. Yet your mother says “Don’t be rude, put on that outfit for your grandma and show her how grateful you are.” Although the intention on your mother’s part was to teach you to have good manners, your energy system heard “if someone give you something you don’t like, you have to love and accept it. Later, this may translate into an adult who just accepts what they are given and never asks for what they want.
More, Thank You, Yes Please!
What are you giving someone else with expectations that they will do something in return? Try asking yourself, “Am I willing to give this, even if they don’t do anything with it?” Try giving things without expectations of anything in return. No strings attached.
Become aware of how often your motives for doing something for someone else, is for something in return. See if you can just give this week without expecting anything back.
In return, when things feel good to give, give more of it and say “Yes, thank you, more please” to the things that you are given and feel good to receive.