Toxic Positivity - The Dark Side of The Law of Attraction Movement

You attract what you vibe out. This is true. What you put out is what you get back. But let’s be honest, none of us can vibe in the positive all day, every day. That isn’t human nature.

In my work as an intuitive healer, I am finding that the law of attraction lesson is stressing people out. They are hearing that the things that have happened to them in their lives are because of them. And instead of vibing up, they are then turning on themselves, beating themselves up, rather than loving themselves in a positive direction.

Positivity is defined as a noun, “the quality or state of being positive. “(Merriam-Webster online). Toxic is defined as an adjective and for the sake of this blog post we are using this definition “extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful”.

Signs of Toxic Positivity

You might already know you are in a toxic relationship with trying to be positive. However, it is worth covering some of the signs, in case you or someone you love is engaging in these behaviors.

• Rushing through negative feelings through false laughter or statements such as “it could be worse.”

• Dismissing emotions or justifying why they are invalid feelings. Read more about this “Validation - 5 things not to say.”

• Feeling guilty about not being grateful for what you have or where you are.

• Dismissing others’ suffering through positive statements or reframing their experience in a positive light.

• Overgeneralization of an optimistic state regardless of circumstance.

Anything done without flow or to an extreme can become toxic.

Your Feelings are Valid.

“Rest satisfied doing well, and leave others to talk of you as they please.”

— Pythagoras

Your feelings, regardless of if they are positive or negative, are valid and provide information about your experiences. Doing you best, is all you can do and it may look different moment to moment. Give yourself the space and grace to feel all the feelings and go from there.

When you are in a negative state of mind, you can work to change your perspective, see things differently, and manifest new ways of being; but not until you accept where you are first. Accepting your feelings and the ability to hold space for someone else’s feelings can create a powerful protective mechanism to harmful stress. In fact, there are many studies that show that negative childhood experiences that are repressed can lead to health issues such as fibromyalgia.

What to do instead

1. Accept where you are and affirm your acceptance to yourself and possibly others (only those who have earned that right.)

2. Realize that there is such a thing as healthy vulnerability and healthy negative states of mind. If you are going through something read more about “Getting Through it” here.

3. Check-in with your inner child. Is there a wound from the past asking to be acknowledged first?

4. Ask yourself, “what kind of reassurance would be helpful?” And acknowledge the resources you require to shift your perspective.

5. Check-in with yourself often. When you are feeling genuinely positive, acknowledge that fact and enhance it by simply saying “yes, thank you, more please.”

6. Love where you are at. Have compassion for where you are at. Honor yourself early and often. Breaking the habit of self rejection can only be done one moment at a time.
   

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