There is a huge pot of energy we are all drawing on at any given time and it is infinite and abundant. We just have to remember to open up how we receive things and not be so focused on one particular place or person because we think we have “earned it.”Read More
Filtering by Tag: Compassion
I often make the wonderful mistake of sharing my guides messages with my husband, only to have them thrown back at me constantly for the next month. I actually do love it, but this one was a challenge because it came up often. The guidance for me was that if I am not contributing love to it, I shouldn't put energy into. That meant everything! I thought, I am a loving, accepting, spiritual person... that should be no problem. Holy Cow! It was harder than you think. It wasn't long before I found myself hitting walls with it. The first place it came up was with my kids! The people I love an accept the most. As they began to act out and do their normal kid things, I found myself getting worked up and frustrated. This was not contributing love to the situation. The first time this happened, I sent love to my youngest son (just with my heart and mind, not saying a word) and he began to calm down before my eyes. It would seem that would be enough to anchor the guidance in. But I am human too and these situations arise again and again. Thank goodness for my husband (although maybe not thinking that at the time) as he yells out "send it love!" everytime I begin to slip up.
Here is where I struggled to send love, but did so anyway: when I was being judged, when I felt hurt, when I felt out of control, when I felt victimized in some way, and when I took things personally. So now I know my triggers, I pay attention to why my guides would be so insistent on this guidance. It quickly became clear that when I couldn't send love to something I was feeling separate and disconnected and contibuting to that disconnect for everyone else! Eek. Not something I would ever want to do consciously. It also made me feel drained and weakened my energy system. Again, something I want to avoid.
I am choosing to pay attention to these situations and contribute love as often as I can. I am human and have to give myself permission to my emotions, but I can still send it love while feeling my own emotions. It is kind of like putting oil on something in the oven. It is still going to cook, the oil is just makes it more tender. :)
I pass this challenge on to you. Send love to absolutely every situation you can this week. Notice when you struggle to do this and see if it gives you information about yourself and where you may be loosing yourself through out the day. These are the situations that drain you of your positive energy. As always, I invite you to share your experiences.
Judgement is such a sticky thing. Fear of judgement makes us second guess ourselves, make bad choices and pretend to be something we aren't. Love of judgement make us scrutinize the people we love and the friends we love to hate. Addiction to judgement make us judge people we only sort of know thinking we know them because we "know the type". My guess is, most of you are doing all three. The truth is judgement is the thing that keeps us separated, not connected. It keeps you down, not up. It holds you back, it doesn't push you ahead.
Some inside scoop on me...
I have a VERY twice exceptional child. Anyone who knows me, knows my struggles (because it is kind of consuming). But it very interesting to me how even when you see my authentic, heartfelt struggles, people still judge. It is probably the hardest place in the world to be judged; my mothering, my child, my perfect love. My kid is not obviously impaired in anyway. In fact, he comes across as being just defiant and self absorbed, albeit extremely intelligent. Even his own grandfather struggles to know how to "accept" him for what he is.
You are probably curious by now what is "wrong" with my child. The truth is NOTHING. Okay that is the spiritual Mom answer. The diagnosis is complex and anyone who evaluates him, says he doesn't fit even the molds of the diagnosis he has. ADHD, Sensory Integration Disorder, Coordination Disorder... who knows really. The fact is, my kids is lovable, extremely capable, intelligent, and AMAZING. When I read his soul, it is wise and uncaring about the things us younger souls want to struggle with. When I see him in the world, he pokes at the very core of the illusion, forcing people to second guess their automatic pilot mode and wake up. His questioning is authentic, not defiant, and quite frankly good for us to hear. We once were grilling him on his grades and he sat smiling. My husband said "You don't get it!" He said, "Yes I do, I have bad grades and I need to focus more on that. But it doesn't have to affect my present happiness." Wow! I want to think like that more often.
My point of my motherly vent is, that we are all so quick to judge. So quick to deny someone acceptance. We forget how that feels when it is done to us. Especially on the topics that we try so hard to do "right".
Let me give you one metaphor that you have heard before from me. If you love a child for it's mistakes, nurture them through it struggles, have compasion for their bad choices, it will grow up to be a loving, nurturing, forgiving person. Because you taught it how. If you scold them, accuse them, shame them and judge them, it will grow up to be a scolding, accusing, shaming and judging person. Who would you like to foster in your world?
Take this week to think about how much judgement is running your life. See if you happy with letting it run your life. "Good judgement" is important for yourself, but when it extends into situations you are not familiar with, it is not helpful to you or the other person for you to pass judgement on it. Work on bringing awareness to who you are categorizing, rejecting and downright making feel miserable with your negative energy about them. Pull it back. Own up to what you are sending out and stop it! Love yourself, love each other and do you best to love the world we live in. It isn't perfect, but things don't get better when you judge it, they get better when you nurture it.
My 10 year old son called me from school this week to tell me that he cut his face on the playground. I asked him if his glasses were broken... no... I asked if he need to come home or go to the doctor... no... So then I gave him what he really called for, which was mommy sympathy. :) I didn't feel the pain for him, or cry for him that it happened. (Empathy) I just told him I was sorry that happened and asked him how he was and gave him my love. (Sympathy) As you are out in the world engaging with people, it is important to know how to tell the difference between compassion, sympathy, empathy and all things in between.
Empathy is rarely helpful, although many of us are empaths and, without trying, feel what the other people are feeling. The reason empathy is not helpful is because it just drags you down into what that person is feeling and offers no help, guidance, love or support. I like to refer to this as getting into the mud with someone to try and get them clean. Now you both are dirty and you are getting nowhere.
Sympathy can be helpful and often times it is all we really want when we tell our stories. When we complain about work, family, friends, etc. We aren't saying "fix this for me" we are simply saying "listen and sympathize". Yes, on a soul level you are choosing this experience, but at the same time, sometimes our choices suck. :) This is often where relationships get strained. One person says "they never listen", mainly because they rarely sympathize. Often times we are trying to offer advice or fix someone, when all they want it an ear.
Compassion can be a tricky one. We use compassion in a variety of ways. We can have compassion for the Tsunami victims in Japan. We can have compassion for our dying grandmother. We can even have compassion for our children, when they are struggling with the oh so common social issues. But what is compassion really?
Wikipedia says "Compassion (from Latin: "co-suffering") is a virtue —one in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy (for the suffering of others) are regarded as a part of love itself, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnectedness and humanism —foundational to the highest principles in philosophy, society, and personhood." I have blogged about compassion many times as I see it as a critical part to our human exisitance, experience and spiritual growth.
But quite honestly, I see it differently than the latin word of co-suffering. I see it as being able to understand someone on a deeper level and to not condone their actions, but understand how they are feeling anyway. You don't condone a murderer, but after learning about his abusive childhood, you might gain some compassion for him as a damaged individual who had no other skill. I see compassion as the ability to see each other as connected, human and flawless in our flaws in our wisdom of "oneness".
Insightful Inspiration of the week
Check in with your interactions this week. See yourself from the perspective of these concepts. Are there any adjustments you want to make in your interactions? Play around with it, see what you can and can not offer out easily. Maybe it is hard for you not to try and "fix". Maybe it is hard for you not to empathize and suffer with others. Make note of where you are and point yourself in the direction you want to be. As always, you are welcome to share your thoughts and experiences.
This topic is by request. If you would like to request a topic feel free to post it to my facebook page or send me an email at email@example.com I have often been found saying that you don't have to learn your lessons the hard way, you choose to. This doesn't mean that some bad things don't just happen. But for the most part, the struggles that arrive in our life, especially with other people, often carry a message you have agreed to learn. I believe we agree to teach each other things about the way things work and often times to agree to be pretty hard on us until we do learn it. It is the concept that the message is first whispered, then it is said loudly and finally a ton of bricks are dropped on your head and it is screamed into your ear.
We often dismiss the whispers. Why? Well, it can be for a variety of reasons, but mostly because we are stuck in one way of being. Until we are ready to adopt a new way of being, we tend to try and stick with our standard plans. When something comes along and knocks us off of our axis, we tend to throw our arms up and say "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" and finally listen to the answer. Not always though... we might try and still cling to the old way of being, making it even harder on ourselves and daring the universe to knock us over again and undoubtedly it will.
So the question for this blog is really, how do I know what lessons I am trying to learn before I get knocked off my axis? (Correct me if I have the question wrong, but this is the question I am answering.) I don't have an easy answer for you, but I can give you a few tips as your insightful inspiration for the week.
Sometimes however, you just have to experience what you are experiencing (rather than avoid it) in order to learn your lesson. Sometimes even knowing the lesson doesn't teach it to you. It is like telling a child the basic concept of multiplication and then saying go do it, including the entire range of numbers large and small. It is difficult to tell you in a blog how to address this fully and completely because life is the school. But I can give you a place to start so that you can be more aware in your lessons rather than being victimized by them. Use my suggestions as a place to start and then build your own list.
First and formost, go EASY on yourself. You can't expect a baby to know all about the world just becuase they are in it. It takes experiences and perceptions and the ability to self reflect to get the picture and even that isn't the full picture. If you are trying to learn a lesson to avoid the consequences of what you think is coming, you might be missing the point. You aren't learning the lesson, you are trying to manipulate the lesson. :)
Insightful Inspiration of the week
If you are struggling with something right now that you can't quite understand the meaning of, you might be up against a major soul lesson. This is where being present really counts. Because if you are bringing in the past, present and future hypothetical into this issue, you could be clouding the lesson.
First, remember you can ask for help. Guides, Angles, God... what ever you pray to, they listen and they help. So send your love to your higher source (or yourself if you can't quite get beyond yourself right now) and ask for help. Ask for clarity, understanding and the grace to accept the lesson. Then listen for the answer. Notice the world around you and see what messages are trying to come through. Trust that these are your answers, regardless of the form they take.
Second, anchor yourself in NOW. This is where the lesson is being presented. Don't project into the future about the what ifs. Look at what is happening right now. Also notice what is NOT happening right now. Be present with your fears, feelings and thoughts. They are your road map to what you are trying to heal. If you are afraid, ask why. Drill in, find out where this fear is rooted in and allow yourself to ask "is this really happening or do I just think it might happen."
Third, give yourself compassion. You are not going to always know right away why you did something. You may have to just trust that the clarity will come later and right now, you just need to be present to see when the messages come. Beating yourself up for not knowing or being in the situation to begin with only drives the pain and hurt deeper and gives you more to do later.
Finally, don't rush through it. Don't make irrational choices just to hurry up and make something happen. People often try to get out of uncomfortable feelings by rushing through things or asking everyone they know for advice so they can say they "tried" to do the "right" thing. Remind yourself that this too shall pass and ride the wave the best you can.
People often come to me to find out what's next in their lives. Sometimes we get very greedy for these answers when we finally decide to ask the question. We want instant answers, NOW! Sometimes we aren't completely prepared for the answers, so they come in at levels you can handle them. Inching you along to find that ultimate answer. Put the question out and then you wait, notice and pay attention. The answer may not come in a word or a resounding next step. It may come as a song, a subtle message in an ad, or even just a friend calling and reminding you who you really are. Pay attention to these subtle responses and you will see the universe is constantly answering your questions. You just don't always want to listen to the answer.
For example, lets say you ask "What should I do next in my career?" and the ultimate response is for you to be doing something completely different than you are doing now. You may not be ready to hear that. So the response that comes back might be just to expand yourself where you are or prepare yourself for a move. Rather than just saying "move careers tomorrow" the universe is gentle with us, gliding us through to our next steps that we have asked for. If only we were so patient with our request for answers as the universe is with us receiving them.
Insightful Inspiration for the week
What question are you asking for instant answers on? What do you think you need to know NOW? Put your feelers out on this question. Notice the sights, sounds, and sensations the world is bringing you in response to this question. Don't over analyze it, just pause and sense. Do you like what you are being shown or are you waiting for a different answer? The answer may be different tomorrow if you want it to be, just put out the request and then wait for the next response. Glide yourself through this process rather than forcing it. You will be amazed at all the answers that have been given and are just waiting for you to notice.
So the school of life is raging on me right now. I am learning about acceptance in the face of judgement in a big way and in my most tender spot... my kids. But this is the best place to learn! It has come to my attention that I occasionally engage in a game of judgement ping pong with people. Yes I admit it. Me who says to release judgement, I do it too. Here is how I was justifying it. I was only judging you AFTER you judged me. The whole "he hit me first" thing. Geez! What a reason to hit back. If we all did this, we never do anything else but hit back. We have to put down our paddles in the game and not play the other side. The reason we don't do this is because we are afraid we will continue to be paddled and we will have nothing to defend ourselves with. But NOTHING ever gets solved out of fear based thinking. SO, I am officially putting down the paddle.
Here is an example. Let's say your friend is telling you that your way of thinking about politics is incorrect. What do you do, you defend yourself. You normally do this by judging their way of thinking instead and we are off in a battle of judgement.
Insightful Inspiration of the week
Put down the judgement paddle. You don't have to send that hit back. Just notice it, set some boundaries and move on. You don't have to judge someone else, just because they are judging you. Send them love and light and realize they are only doing it because they are dealing with something within themselves. If we put down our weapons and not hit back, we might find the world to be a much more peaceful place to live.
One of the biggest blocks to our happiness is comparing ourselves to others, or worse yet, comparing our children to others. When we compare ourselves to others we are expecting ourselves to have the same experience as someone else... which is impossible! No one has had the same experiences, with the same personality, the same way, ever. So why do we try and do this. Comparing ourselves to others generally makes us unhappy. It creates a sense of separateness from other people that is competitive and restrictive.
For example, lets say you are comparing your level of fitness to someone else down the street. You either wish you were as fit as them or maybe you are judging them for not being as fit as you. Either way, you have now created a gap between you and that other person that doesn't allow you to connect. Connecting to others is what heals us, makes us grateful for our lives and teaches us about diversity. Why would be want to block that off?
This is just one example, there are so many ways we compare ourselves to others. Sometimes it is to make us feel okay. "Well she drinks like a fish, so I am not even that bad." This may not create a gap with connection in the same way, but it creates a block. It connects us to a part of ourselves that we are afraid to let go of and we are trying to justify. For example, maybe you want more time with your husband or wife but you see you get more time than other people do with your spouse, so you shouldn't complain. This is a block to asking for what you need, which in turn, does create a block.
This nature to compare ourselves to each other also can lead to violence, distrust, and fear of being judged.
So, take a moment and notice where you might be comparing yourself to someone else. Maybe it is something simple or your whole life, but either way, notice what it is doing to your sense of center and self. See if you can just be okay with where you are and where they are, embracing the difference.
Wishing you a compassionate week.