Often we are a cluster of pain programs and suffering. Natalie Merchant's "Break Your Heart" lyrics "don't spread the discontent, don't spread the lies" is excellent advice to move past that stage into one of contentment.
You have heard it a thousand times from me and other self-help guidance counselors to "think positive" or "love yourself first." Of course you know that is what you are supposed to do. So why aren't you doing it?
The Shame of Thinking Positively
Thinking positive isn't always well received by our peers and authority figures. Often when we come to our bosses with good news, they shame us into noticing what is broken and needs to be fixed. We get obsessed at looking at what isn't working as a way to try and encourage it to work.
Our peers perceive our positive thinking as naive or thoughtless. They see us taking our eyes away from what needs to be done to focus on the flakey behavior of "free thinkers" and rebels.
See if you can find your positive-thinking shamers and as kindly as you can, ask them to help you shift. Make them your biggest advocates for positive thinking. If they aren't up to the job, or you don't feel like you can ask them, work on releasing their opinion from the top of the meaningful pile. Try and reduce how seriously you take their opinion and know they are projecting their own limitations onto you.
Suffering to Deserve
Another thing we often do is "suffer enough to deserve." Sick enough to deserve help. Worked hard enough to deserve a break. Struggled enough to deserve something better.
Catch yourself "suffering to deserve." Shift it up and allow yourself permission to deserve from a different place. Deserve help because we all desire connection and to help each other. Deserve a break because you are always doing your best. Deserve something better because you have learned from your mistakes and are ready to learn from your successes too.
Expectations and Assumptions
You cannot pretend you don't feel bad, that is suppression of your energy. But what I am suggesting is to check in when you are stuck in automatic pilot with feeling bad. You can feel bad and then give yourself permission to feel good.
Even when you look around and don't see any good yet. This isn't a fake it activity. This is just about realizing that in what you expect to see is what you will see. If I suggest to you to notice all the blue cars on the road today, you will. Your mind enhances what you focus on. If you expect to see kindness and love from people, you will. Change up your expectations to find negative experiences lurking around every corner. Change up your assumptions about people and how you will be treated and see what happens next. This doesn't mean there won't be people who will hurt you or be rude, but your mind will hold onto the positive experiences more easily.
Here is more on how beliefs are driving your experiences from my Coaching Club videos.